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Monday, December 03, 2012

Trance





Been living in trance for the past 2 months
The pain and hurt didn't cease not even for a second
so intense i can't even...!!!


I know it takes 2 hands to clap
But I have every right to blame you and her
and myself.


Even though I bore you a son 
Played a part in what we call 'OUR' family
It wasn't enough 
I'm no different from the passing 'girls' in ur life


At 22, I might have been stressing out bout exams, modules
I could be partying staying out late 
living the life of a 22 yr old

But i chose the route to start a family 
to commit in marriage with none other than you
I handed you my future
I, gave you my all.


Nothing can replace all the firsts that we had
From marriage, to being a dad


I couldn't get past all these emotionally
& til today, though I have seen and known too much
a part of me knows that, emotionally, there's an empty spot



I start every new day with hope
But it turns to dust at the end of the day
Because, its happening.
Its there.


In marriage, there is Commitment
and with Commitment comes Expectations
"It takes hard work to maintain a Marriage"
didn't come from nowhere


Yes, Marriage is not as exhilarating as when one is dating
There are more unforeseeable problems in M than D.


I had my insecurities, my fears
I relied on him a lot
He was the one whom i'd tell everything to.
I asked myself every single day 
What would become of my life if I don't have him around anymore?



It took me awhile to realize that,
What I have been holding on to,
was what that took place in the past.


Life moves on,
It moves forward
It doesn't go backwards




Being an adult, a husband, a father,
you like what you have now
you like what you feel now


But at the end of the day,
What do you have?


& To you,
What you see on the outside,
won't make you
It will break you.

I can blame him,
I can blame me,
So i sure as hell can blame you.

I've kept mum for so long
& my ultimatum wasn't to fight for him

I just wanted to take a good hard look at you
How I was once this woman like you
& I didn't even know
But you knew.. You knew.


I shouldn't blame you for being naive
But thank you


You've made things so much easier for me.
Now, its your show.


I may not be the best wife
I must have sucked terribly at it to have something like that happen to me


But I will be Trev's bestest Mom



Stronger X.