Thursday, September 28, 2006

life is so vulnerable. life is full of regrets. mine is now. i regretted for not tagging along with my mom spending more time with my grandparents. i regretted for not appreciating my grandpa when he's around. i regretted that i did not cherish how well he treated me. now i know how it feels like to want to turn back time so desperately. my grandpa was a strong strong man.. but neither of us expected this sudden news. now i wont be attending sch for the very wrong reasons. i feel terribly remorseful and i really feel upset. everytime i think about how he would buy us toys, how he would keep asking me to eat more or get the sweet drinks from his fridge, how he would lie on the plastic chair in his room tuning to oldies on radio with a cigarette on his hand, how he would rub his big belly, how he would call over and care for me when he knows that ive fallen ill, how he would sit by the couch in the living room viewing teletext for lottery numbers, how he smiles when he sees me visiting them, and how he would care for grandma, i feel all teary inside and could easily burst into tears like bolts of water overflowing the strong dam. he once took great care of me when i stayed over at their place for a month. i really appreciated that care he and grandma showered me with. but seriously, i cant bear for him to leave us just like this. ): i was really close to him... and now it's like ive been hit by thousands of charging horses. ahh. fuck. this horrid feeling.. i feel so weak and lifeless now. cherish everyone around you people, before it really is too late. and now, ive learnt my lesson.